Interrogating the Interrogator

Would thou still stand before me? , asked God, 
If I can no longer wash thy sins. 
Would thou still read my scriptures? , 
If I can no longer offer thee a place in heaven. 
Would thou still sing my praise? , 
If I can no longer grant thy selfish desires. 
Would thou still want to meet me? , 
If I no longer have my magical powers. 
No! Never! , said Man, 
Otherwise, I am not Human. 

Pradeep Dhavakumar

Our most valuable possession, our soul created for our conversation with God. It has been my experience in dealing with believers and nonbelievers that our greatest failures, we talk with God but do not listen when God talks with us.

Possession is far greater than professing, and we all have had our days of doubts and fears when all we need to do is just TRUST JESUS.

One of my first experiences in learning to trust Jesus, freshman college student, UNC-Chapel Hill, there at this great university, where I was completely unprepared for any college (from a small country school, 13 in my graduating class, less than 100 in the entire high school) but, there I was competing with the states best from large city schools/prep schools/wealthiest, most powerful families in the state and, it was necessary for me to work as well as take courses. My money had completely run out and my job (at the medical school) was not to pay me for several days and I needed money for food.  I was sitting on a stoned fence behind the Wilson Library, across from the Bell Tower, interrogating my interrogator whether I should call my father to come get me. I knew there was plenty of food at home. Having been given this great opportunity for education and, for the first time in my life, feeling that I was truly where I should be for mental challenge I was so ashamed to give in and give up. But, I told God, just as Job told God, "though you slay me, yet will I trust in You" (Job 13:15). God said to me, just as if he were speaking from the Bell Tower across the street, "in the library of the medical school where you work are large leather chairs. Money falls out of the pockets of those who sit in those chairs, you might want to search those chairs". And so, that night at work, (I worked in the medical school library) I found enough money to keep me going for many days. And so, from pulpits in churches, speakers platforms at civic clubs, my message has always been "though I have failed God many times, He has never failed me". And, now at age 87, body eaten up by cancer, a totally blind veteran for 50 years, I still listen when He speaks.

I was raised in a country church, built 1874 by great-grandparents on both sides of my family, fortunate enough to have known many saints in the family and community but I do not remember as a child, ever hearing preachers talk about this. What a shame that today's parents, today's church members, today's preachers do not talk to the disabled/dying about listening as well as asking. It is like the phrase, homeless veterans, there should be no such person as a  homeless veteran. What is wrong with the veterans groups, American Legion, American Red Cross, BVA, DVA and even churches and civic clubs who put out so much propaganda about their concern for veterans, not yet, has 1 veterans group, 1 church, 1 civic club ever come to my front door about helping me with anything but that is all right, God reminds me every day that He is all I need and we all know the assorted story about veterans administration ineptness. As a medical officer, army hospitals, veterans hospitals, politicians, they just don't care.

No matter what has happened to you, life cannot be afforded. you just thank God for life and living. I write on a piece of paper my prayers and 1 line is always there "take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to thee".

Yet, there must be laughter and enjoyment along with responsibility and the serious side of life. There is nothing wrong with enjoying good food, a good joke, good entertainment, even good clothing and an expensive car or expensive home. God does not bless us in order for us to live like paupers. He expects our best and will load us down with His best. I have seen ships go through both the Panama and Suez canals. They do not always wait for the locks to completely fill with water. There are times when God allows us to cut corners. We are all waiting for 84,600 seconds a day and He does not expect us to keep our nose to the grindstone every second; have some fun/a hobby. Just remember at the end, you cannot relive/purchase back 1 second that you have just thrown away; not even if you have as much money as Oprah or Bill Gates and his wife.

When you get my age you realize just how short life is but for believers we have already started living an eternal existence. This is just a "boot camp" here on this earth where God is determining if He wants us around forever, if we are worthy of His Glory. Just think, the Creator of the universe, the power, grace, mercy who through the stars into space, can measure the Himalaya's with his fingers, who actually took time to dictate a book for us live by "The Holy Bible". And most believers do not even take the time from a life of frolic with unbelievers to read and rejoice in this answer book...the 1 book in the world that has answers to every question, the 1 book in the world that tells us about a Savior by whose life we obtain salvation as a gift, by whose birthday every check/every document is written. Millions of dollars are spent each year by mystified human beings seeking answers from a psychologist or psychiatrist. One of the greatest mysteries of the modern day church, to a member or other having problems, a believer in God sends them to someone who does not believe in God to get an answer. God has told us "Let us, therefore, come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).

My only child, my son, seminary professor, for many years a missionary on the mission field, said that on the mission field, an illness, new believers would pray before they even consulted a doctor. One of the last times I was ever in a churchhouse, a men's bible study, and they were all so happy to have me there. I began to feel like I was going to pass out. Patients have told me that when they get that feeling they soon hit the floor. So, I said to the fine man sitting next to me, I am very ill, I must leave. I apologized to the group and told them I was too sick to stay. The entire group began to pray and by the time I was driven to my house I was fine. 

God can heal cancer if he chooses to do so. "For with God nothing shall be impossible" (Luke 1:37). And to think there are so many so-called believers who never go to the Lord's table. "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and with his stripes, we are healed" (Isaiah 53:5 King James Version)