My Mean Parents

Before he died, Dr. Benjamin Spock apologized to the world for his book Baby and Child Care, the book translated into 39 languages, that sold 59 million copies was the epistle of the child-rearing culture for over thirty years. Spock encouraged parents to see children as individuals, very permissive, bringing on a spoiled generation seeking immediate gratification, and having few rules in their lives. This is the present day baby boomers.

I do not know of a book in memory that has caused as much excitement as Amy Chau's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, in this book she discusses the rearing of two daughters, using the model of Chinese/Asian mothers. It is no secret that Asian students excel, almost all university valedictorians are Asian. She speaks of how each Asian students, her daughters, must excel, no grades less than an A, no extracurricular activities, no sleepovers, no complaints, must play one of two instruments, piano or violin. She describes how the student must have perfection in the instrument, practice until accomplishment. The mother, herself, is a professor at Yale Law School, this is the way she was reared, and indeed, the way most Asian students are schooled.

On a personal note, my own two grandsons were reared in Asia where their parents Dr. and Mrs. John Morris were on the foreign mission field of the Southern Baptist Convention. Both parents have graduate degrees, my son, medical school, and now a Ph.D professor at Southwestern Seminary. They did not accept anything less than an A from these two grandsons, I believe the two grandsons, like their father, my son, received all As in their scholastic careers, except for one B. The grandsons, lawyer and engineer, both played musical instruments, played on athletic teams.

When my grandsons returned to America to enter college, they were so far ahead of students here, both received outstanding full-scholarships. This aging grandfather did not have the opportunity of the preparation afforded my son and grandsons. I went to a small, poor eastern North Carolina country school. Today's youth would not identify the schools of poverty-ridden eastern North Carolina with today's modern matriculation. There was no air conditioning, carpeting, special equipment of any kind, just rented books, chalkboards, and the old uncomfortable wood desks, in rows. There was thirteen students in my high school graduating class, of course, I was class president and valedictorian...but ill-prepared for college.

My mean parents, however, made sure that their four children were in school everyday unless hospitalized, and I do not believe any one of us ever went to the hospital. My father was determined that his children would get a college education. I do not believe there is any man who ever lived who worked harder than he did toward that goal (all his children did graduate from college). In the early 20^th century, there were few college graduates, he too had come from an exceptional family, most went to college, but during the depth of the early 20^th century depressions, he could not go.

My mother, who only had a 6^th grade education (today, probably equivalent to a college education), one of the brightest women I have ever known. Pushed us every step of the way, like the Chinese mother, tiger mom, we did not have much choice in many things. We ate breakfast before we went to school (you will eat breakfast so you can learn). Think of the children bussed from neighborhoods who need education most, who are fed at the schoolhouse, parents too disinterested to even feed their children, mornings or summer vacations.

As poor as we were, we all had piano lessons. I remember the day that beautiful Verdi, mahogany upright was delivered to our house. As poor as we were, a newspaper was delivered to the house everyday including Sunday, several magazines each month (Look, Progressive Farmer, The Baptist). We had schedules, table rules, behavior rules at home, and especially away from home. We had duties, keeping the wood boxes filled, yard cleaning, livestock feeding etc. The most important education pushed on us, the one from which you will never recover, the value of a dollar, the saving of money.

My mean parents made sure we were at the church house just as at the schoolhouse, we had no choice about that either. There was never any talk about options, we were at the church, participating at all church activities, as was our parents, grandparents, great grandparents, ancestors before us. I do not believe that my mean parents ever expected to find one of us in jail.

On radio talk shows, many modernistic psychologically warped parents do not agree with the tiger mom, nor Asian parents in general. Many believe that children are born trained and educated. The Bible, the One who wrote it, the One who designed the cell as well the stars in the Milky Way, the One who designed every snowflake that has ever fallen, the One who designed every feature of their body, including the clotting of blood, think God is just ignorant. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) You do not have to teach your child to lie, cheat, or steal. It is up to the parent to train them not to do such. The older I get the more I realize the absolute innocence and ignorance of children. There have been many quotes about the molding of children, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, perhaps Billy Graham said it best, “Only God Himself fully appreciates the influence of a Christian mother in the molding of character in her children.” Jails, mental hospitals, counseling offices, are filled with people whose parents wanted their children to like them, to be their friend, rather than enforce the discipline to train them.

In one of my hospital trips to one of the world's greatest hospitals, Massachusetts General, I ate one evening with a PhD professor friend. It is rare for me to have ever eaten at an elitist restaurant. I could tell there was a child running around in the place, jerking things off of diner's tables. My friend recognized the parents of the child, both professors in the psychology department of Harvard University. They were trying to pretend that they did not know the child. My friend said, “they have written peer-reviewed papers on child-rearing, child behavior.” My mean parents loved us too much not to keep us close, not to be identified with us. They realized that our training was the most important thing for our life, now and for eternity.