Get Off the Treadmill

Get Off the Treadmill

Palliative Care (Relief)

Out of a fired ship, which by no way
But drowning could be rescued from the flame,
Some men leap'd forth, and ever as they came
Near the foes' ships, did by their shot decay;
So all were lost, which in the ship were found,

They in the sea being burnt, they in the burnt ship drown'd.
-  “A Burnt Ship” by John Donne

Your 87-year old writer, a totally-blind, 100% disabled veteran now cancer spread over entire body, was told that I might have one year to live. SO, one who had been on the treadmill every day decided it was time to get off the treadmill.

And then, I decided it was no different from the so-called “fair-weather” friends who only can give me such wonderful advice as, “I’m praying for you.” They never realize that I need real help, cannot walk out the door without assistance. Like their church, like their civic club, like their vet group, “feel-gooders” with their “feel-gooder” churches and clubs. They’re Rotarians, “service above self.” I have never known any but a selfish Rotarian. I have never known anything but an indifferent Christian, just playing games with God, while, the poor, disabled, deaf and blind are more a witness to the grace of God then they could ever be. Every human being should know what it is like to stumble around in blackness for least one day, to get around in a wheelchair for just one day (Bathroom, dressing in clothing, preparing some food to eat). But their “normal” friends, along with their “do-gooder” groups “relieve themselves” by saying, “We will pray for you.” This is their palliative care. This is their method for helping you reach the end of your race. They get together and laugh, and sing, and perhaps even pray. They gorge themselves from a big buffet table. And, we wonder why young people, in a time of opioid hysteria, are so anxious to escape the church house.

The feel-good syndrome started at the church house, courthouse, schoolhouse, and promoted by civic clubs, and even vet and country clubs. Float above the common sicknesses (Physical and mental), going on all around them. One of my wealthy, neer-do-well, “concerned” friends in a brief respite from the golf course said, “I pay too much tax to have empathy for anyone. His time will come.”

There is always a fog after the diagnosis, the diagnosis of total blindness, the diagnosis of spreading cancer. BUT, never such a fog as I experienced this week when I learned that a young man working for me, who I trusted had put thousands of dollars on my credit card, wired thousands of dollars from my bank account, had an app on his cellphone so that he could charge anything to my bank account or credit card.

And, a week when I learned about the thievery of an employee, my realtor goes into my beach rental house and finds that someone has been using and trashing my house, actually set my kitchen on fire (evidently trying to cook). So now, a house to be reconstructed, easier than reconstructing the heart of a young man, or the souls of “feel-gooders-do-gooders”, with which our lives are afflicted.

Those of us who are disabled must trust people. In this time of Medicaid fraud, entitlements, it is difficult to even trust healthcare professionals, when they tell you, you only have a short time to live, you know down, deep inside, that they really don’t care, just make sure your bill is paid before your exit (You cannot live on Pill Hill, have two Mercedes in the driveway, children going to every type of proficiency class, whether dancing or fencing, unless the patient pays his exorbitant bill, doctor’s wives do not shop at thrift stores) and, if you are a victim of divorce, and you have as vicious a wife as I had, (Church-goer with a doctorate) most of the time she has turned your child and grandchildren against you, so don’t expect any palliative care from them (This 87-year old divorced father of one has never received the first gift at any holiday or birthday… Not the first cookie when he visited). This is the world in which we live. Oh, the games people play.

Before God can use a man, he must crush him. But, clinging to the cross, our joy comes in redemption-forgiveness, knowing the reconstruction after the battle is over.

If I were not a Christian, a world of blackness, a world of pain from cancer, a world of young people taking advantage of the old, I would have ended it all long ago. How did the Jews in the death camps of Nazi Germany hold on, and some did, the oldest are dying now. One said, “We knew that at any time, we could end it all, by just starting to run towards the fence… One of the guards in the guard tower would shoot us dead at once.” But, they stayed the course. If they could stay the course, certainly the Christian, knowing what we have waiting, can endure to the end. “But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved” (Matthew 24:13).

Anytime you hear ANYONE talk about their civic club or their church… Just remember.... 1 hour a week as a “do-gooder” at a civic club OR, 1 hour a week at the church as a  “feel-gooder.” Then, think of the thousands in nursing homes, retirement homes, or private homes, who so desperately need palliative care… And how much better their time could be spent doing God’s work, instead of singing, talking, or planning God’s work.